My opinion as a parent, human services practitioner and coach is, that actions can be taken to help children, who are being bullied, and also, to help address bullying when it occurs. Having said that, not everything is bullying and kid also have to learn to ignore behaviors, which are just annoying. However, if the behaviors escalate and become worse and persist over time, there is a problem. I also believe that most children are not able to properly deal with those who annoy them, or who are outright bullies – coping with adverse situations is learning process, it can be taught, and must be tailored to the cognitive and developmental stages where children are at. I would not expect a seven-year old to be able to deal with a mean kid or outright bully, that is where parents come in. What I tell my kids is, try to ignore it, if it persists address the issue with the other person, if it gets worse, tell. Children need to learn to cope with others, and also learn that there will always be someone who doesn’t like them, and likewise, they don’t like. This is life.
Here are my suggestions for dealing with bullying.
PARENTS:
Parents must make sure to keep the lines of communication open with their children. This is particularly important during the pre-adolescent and adolescent years of development, when peer influences become increasingly important and the voices of parents or other adult caregivers become less important. Parents should set time aside once the child(ren) are home from school, maybe during dinner, to allow for a constructive talk with their offspring about their day, what good things have happened and what bad things have happened. If little children experience bullying, scaffold their responses by suggesting ideas to them what they can do, and increasingly remove yourself and thus help the child or adolescent to deal with conflicts in an increasingly independent manner. Role playing may work well too. If all help that the parents provide does not help, do speak with the child’s teacher and/or the administrator about the situation and demand an explanation as to what the school will do to address the problem and ask the school what policies are in place, which address bullying.
TEACHERS:
Get to KNOW your students. Yes, I know, you have 25 – 145 of them, but sending out a little questionnaire about the children may be a lot of work initially, but may be very useful in the future. Observe the children’s behavior and demeanor, and talk to a child that is persistently unhappy, or suddenly becomes withdrawn or unhappy. Create an atmosphere, which is nurturing, yet not babying the children, as doing so will make it more likely for children, who are bullied, to talk to you about it. When teachers witness acts of bullying or name-calling or simple rudeness in the classroom, cafeteria, recess area, or the bus, immediately stop, and address the issue in the classroom. Doing so will show commitment on your part to all students, that certain behaviors are simply unacceptable. Should the behavior not cease, let’s say after three times, make a referral to the office, however, such rules should be clearly (in writing) communicated to the children and their parents or other caregivers. When communicating rules, be clear about what exactly constitutes bullying (e.g. name calling with racial undertones, name calling regarding (perceived) sexual orientation, etc.).
ADMINISTRATORS:
Have clear rules in place, and clearly define what constitutes bullying and provide specific examples, and communicate those rules to the children and parents, and also provide a list of consequences that will be applied when rules against bullying are broken. Doing so will help children understand unacceptable behaviors and their consequences. Be consistent. Be sure that all school staff are aware of the policies, as such, all teachers and administrators should be on the “same page,” with regard to the rules, and when referrals to the office are made. This also shows commitment on the part of the administrator to address the problem and children will get a sense of fairness and justice in the school as well. Furthermore, administrators should carefully look at what constitutes bullying and not go overboard. For example, a friend recently told me that at her son’s school, being sarcastic is considered an act of bullying (really?). In my opinion, this crosses the line into the absurd.
While there always has been and most likely always will be bullying, many entities can help address the problem, take preventive measures and have consequences in place when rules are broken. However, school environments should also be realistic and not force every child to be friends with everyone else. Setting a climate and promoting a culture of respect certainly can promote transformational change, but that also means that the adults in the school must role-model desired behaviors as well.