Empathy and Kindness
This blog is about my own experiences as a black belt Taekwondo student, which are grounded in practice and research and other sources about Taekwondo. I hope this blog is a good read for Taekwondo students (past, present and future), because I believe that students under the guidance of good instructors will not only learn the art, but will also learn to live the virtues that this art stands for and who will be able to bundle up their knowledge that allows them to
“take it all outside and into your life.”
Empathy is about standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.
– Daniel H. Pink
I can imagine that some of my readers might ask themselves how does and can empathy development and showing kindness relate to and be promoted by Taekwondo, and how that can possibly happen in a place where students learn the art of unarmed combat with powerful kicks and punches designed for self-defense, should this become necessary.
It seems counterintuitive to think that learning to kick and punch others, and learning to be kicked and punched by others, can promote empathy and kindness. But it can and does. It is a process that students in good Taekwondo schools learn over time, especially by becoming aware of shared experiences, or as the saying goes, by standing in someone else’s shoes and by learning to live up to their student oath that asks them to “build a more peaceful world.”
But what exactly is empathy? According to a post from Psychology Today (2002-2016), empathy can be defined “as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to sense what someone else might be thinking or feeling. Or, as Price-Mitchell (2015) simply stated, “Empathy is the ability to recognize and respond to the needs and suffering of others.” I would argue, that being empathetic also requires self-examination and reflection about one’s own experiences.
I often look back on that first day that I put my uniform on and tied that white belt around my waist and what I was thinking before I stepped on that mat as a student. I also often reflect on how my journey progressed and who was with me and doing what when I struggled throughout the years.
My own Taekwondo journey began as a quest to loose weight – I really had no idea what exactly I was getting myself into (Roesner, 2013), the only thing I knew than, was that I might have possibly lost my mind starting to practice the art at the age of 40. So, I can understand and appreciate the “outsiders’” perspective of looking into the dojang or just watching Taekwondo during the Olympics. It was only after a few months that I began to grasp the concept and idea (or ideal), that Taekwondo is more than fancy kicks or board breaking techniques, it is about living up to the student oath (“build a more peaceful world”), and learning to do so alongside my Taekwondo sisters and brothers, with whom I shared many of the same experiences – the most notable commonality being that we were all white belts once.
My reason to practice Taekwondo was to loose weight. Therefore, I can relate to the child or adult that might have the same goal and the difficulties they might experience when they are stretching or having a hard time executing kicks. Also, I live with an auto-immune disease, that sometimes makes it harder and more painful for me to move, with that, I can help others who have similar health issues overcome difficulties not only with regard to movements, but also with regard to being understanding of the frustrations, annoyance and not being able to get a single kick done right because of pain, and possibly wanting to give up. I can relate to students being nervous before testing and encourage to keep up the good work or help them with a kick or a pattern.
Obviously, I was not alone when I experienced struggles or difficulties in Taekwondo. There was always some other student or instructor who could relate to whatever I had a hard time with. Their empathy was expressed by kind and understanding words, followed by or combined with encouragement, or lending a helping hand, or foot for that matter. This in turn has helped me to understand, relate to and help others better .
This is what I think can and should take place in a good Taekwondo school: learning empathy through the art and shared experiences. When students learn to practice empathy and kindness outside their dojangs as they do inside their dojangs, they live what it means to “walk in someone else’s shoes,” because they have not only learned to relate better to others, but also learned that there is something that they can do to help someone.
Being more empathetic outside their dojang, students of Taekwondo do not only live up to the student oath, they embody the art itself.
If you are interested in reading more, please make sure to check out my book, Taekwondo, more than a martial art. A journey for life, which is based on the findings of my research concerning Taekwondo and character development.
Empathy. (2002-2016). Psychology Today. Retrieved from: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/empathy/definition
Price-Mitchell, M. (2015). Acts of Kindness: Teaching children to care. Retrieved from: http://www.rootsofaction.com/art-kindness-teaching-children-care/
Roesner, P.M. (2013). Taekwondo. More than a martial art. A journey for life.