Child sexual abuse might very well be more prevalent than the numbers tell us. One of the explanations for this phenomenon is that abusers encourage children to keep their actions “secret” and “special.” Moreover, in many cases that I have seen, those who were sexually abuse were told not to tell anyone because in case they do, some “beloved” person would end up going away and surely, the child(ren) do not want to be responsible for this. I leave it up to each of you to form your own thoughts about just that one …
I recently came across an article (http://www.denvermomsblog.com/parenting/why-we-dont-keep-secrets-in-our-house/) that encourages parents to use “Our Body Safe Rules” that teaches children about keeping themselves safe. Now, many might think that it is a no-brainer, but the reality is, it is not. Many people assume their children (boys and girls alike) are safe, but they might not be. Many people might trust adults around them with their children, especially if the children trust and like those adults. Yet, the reality is, that in the vast majority of sexual abuse cases, the abuser is known to and liked by the child, and the child trusts this person. Additionally, most abusers will form relationships with the child that makes the child feel special, a process called “grooming,” thus, there might be quite some time between the child knowing the “trusted” adult and the “trusted” adult actually abusing the child. During this whole process, secrecy is a must, since the “special relationship” is limited to the child and the abuser.
I know that many parents think that this cannot happen to their child, yet, looking at the numbers one might want to rethink this. 20 percent of girls and 5 percent of boys (and again, the numbers are most likely higher due to underreporting, especially in the cases when boys get abused) at any given time are reported to have been victims of child abuse and further, children can be abused from a very young age onwards into the teenage years ( http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics). The short and long term effects of such abuse are, among others, low self-esteem, not knowing the meaning of sex and with that, meaningful intimate relationships, and further, suicidal ideation and physical injuries secondary to the abuse.
Again, it is important to remember one of the major dynamics between the abuse and the child/teen victim of abuse: secrecy! So parents and caregivers, please teach your children about the “safe bodies” and what is and what is not acceptable behavior and most of all, teach them that it is perfectly okay for them to say “no,” when they feel that those rules are violated or simply, when they feel uncomfortable when someone (especially, someone that they know) is asking them to do things that their gut tells them is wrong (it is most likely is).
References: http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
http://www.denvermomsblog.com/parenting/why-we-dont-keep-secrets-in-our-house/